Ballad of the Peony
by Aeirwen
Summary: The Princess of Dongxiang has been said to have died at an early age, near the time her mother committed suicide. In fact, she is still alive, and has finally muster up the courage to see her father after five years and confronts him just in time before he past.
1. The Blossoms of Louyang

Ballad of the Peony

Chapter 1

The Blossoms of Luoyang

* * *

"Hmph! Why won't anyone ever tell me?!"

The sound of pots clattered against the stone walkways from being kicked as a young boy growled in frustration and crossed his arms, leaning against a fence, staring out at the kingdom before him.

"Tell you what?" He gasped in shocked as he turned to see a tall brunet walking towards him with a questioning smile, his hair graying. "Yi Cao, now just what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"

The young boy frowned, looking away as the wind blew against his face coolly and the moon shone down on his pale skin. "I couldn't sleep. I had that dream again, but whenever I ask anyone about it, no one will ever tell me! I'm beginning to feel like a lone wolf in the royal palace…"

The King of Jin gave a hearty laugh, approaching the his young brother and patting his back. "Instead of asking everyone else, have you ever decided to ask me?"

Yi Cao thought about it before looking up to his older brother and shaking his head, "No. I haven't." He frowned again before looking across the kingdom again. "But who am I to ask the King of Jin…"

In response to that, he received a hard slap on his back, making him wince. "Who do you think I really am? The King of Jin, or your most Honored Older Brother, Sima Zhao!?" Zhao laughed, patting Yi Cao, joining him in leaning against the fence. "So, are you going to ask your Brother Zhao or not?"

Yi Cao laughed at him, "Even though you're my brother, I can't help but have to fight the urge to call you Grandpa."

Zhao laughed and agreed, "I guess I am old enough to be your grandfather, but it's not my fault that your mother decided to give birth to you so late in her life." Yi Cao's smile left his face as he stared down from the ledge they stood at in thought. The only thing that kept them from falling was the fence they leaned against. Zhao stared at his little brother and quirked a brow, "You had that dream about your mother again, didn't you?"

"Yeah…" Yi Cao sighed as he looked up at the pale moon, "I did…" A strong but soft breeze blew at his face, pushing the hair back out of the twelve year old's face..

Zhao stared at him, letting him stared up at the sky in thought before chuckling and looking away. "You know, we have all night if you need to ask me _something_."

"Brother Zhao, did my mother abandon me? Or did she die giving birth to me?"

Sima Zhao stared at his younger brother, watching his eyes droop down sadly. "What do you mean?"

"I dream of a loving mother, who encourages me and takes care of me, but when I wake up, I realize…I don't have a mother at all." Yi Cao sighed and slumped his face on the palm of his hand, being propped up by his elbow on the rail of the fence. "All my life, I lived without a mother, I supposed that all I have, or even had, was Big Brother Shi and you and Sister Yuanji. I know nothing about my mother and I may know everything about my father, but it's still like I don't know them both at all…"

"It's different isn't it?" Yi Cao looked over to his brother. "There is no one who can replace your mother or your father, no matter who it is that raised you."

"No! Brother! That's not what I meant!" Yi Cao grew frantic, believing he may have just insulted the King of Jin right to his face.

Sima Zhao laughed and looked up to the sky. "Don't worry! I know what you meant, you meant well, you didn't mean to insult me, and you didn't. But as I've been trying to say, is that if you just ask, I will tell you the tale of your mother."

"Will you?" Yi Cao stared up at his old brother intently, hoping for answers about his true identity, where he came from, who he could possibly be.

Sima Zhao stared down at his young brother and smiled. "Of course, Sima Yi Cao, I will tell you of the _Ballad of the Peony, the story of your mother…_

_Are you ready?_

_Now once upon a time…_

_Brother, please don't start like that…_

_Okay, I won't. Once upon time—_

_Zhao…_

_Okay, okay! Long, long ago, but not that long ago…._

_Really, Zhao? Really?_

_Yeah, really…_

_Whatever…_

_So long, long ago, but not that long ago…_

_On the dirt path that lead to the palace of Luoyang, a young woman, by her lonesome approached by foot. That young woman, clad in cotton, wearing a straw hat with a veil…_

…_was me…_

_Brother, if you're going to narrate, you probably shouldn't narrate as my mother._

_I'm sorry, well then, I won't narrate as your brother as your mother, so then I'll let your mother narrate from now on then._

_What? I didn't understand that…_

_Shh, just listen._

_One the dirt path that lead to the palace of Luoyang, a young woman, by her lonesome approached by foot,_ the sound of a young woman's voice began narrating, _That young woman, clad in cotton, wearing a straw hat with a veil…was me…_

_Oh! I see what you mean now._

_Shh, just listen to your mother tell you of her story._

_My name is Cao Pei Pei, the daughter of Emperor Cao Pi and Empress Zhen Ji, the younger sister of Cao Rui. Most know, or knew, me as the Princess of Dongxiang. They say I died at a young age, but I actually ran away from home. A few years ago, before the start of this story, before the start of my story, my mother came into trouble with my father's favorite concubine, the Lady Guo Nuwang. As soon as she was in the favors of my father, Lady Guo began attacking my mother, making statements that my older brother, Cao Rui, was perhaps not the his son, but the son of my mother's former husband, Yuan Xi, bringing my father to doubt my mother. One day, as I sat with my mother, embroidering new clothes for my birthday, an order was sent to my mother from my father. She was to kill herself. We both knew that this must have become the doings of Lady Guo. Though I begged my mother not to comply with the order, she told me to leave Wei and never return. She feared that Lady Guo may attempt to get rid of my brother and I as well, but my brother was to stay and try to remain in my Father's good graces._

And so I left, I ran away and never returned. I lived the life of a pauper, was called by a different name. And though I lived by myself by a different name, I have never forgotten who I am, or where I came from. And as my father's eldest daughter, I would return to his side on this day in this year to let him know that I am still alive before he dies.

_I hate my father, I hate how he had ordered my mother to commit suicide. Just being there with my mother a week before my birthday and knowing of such an order stabbed at my heart. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears to know of such a thing from a man who loved me so much. He adored me, I was his Princess Pei Pei, who he would always personally pick peonies for. And because I can't forget his kindness either, as well as the fact that he is my father, I will visit him and see him._

"Who goes there!? Show your face."

I stared through my veil, hesitant of what I was doing, if it was alright for me to return or not. But I can't turn my back now…

"Cao Pei Pei, Princess of Dongxiang." I pulled off the straw hat and veil and lifted my face to the guards who were at first staring with confusion before giving me faces of shock. They bowed to me, unable to say anything as they opened the gates and used their arms to gesture that I could enter the palace.

I stepped in with my shabby clothes, looking around the palace. It hasn't changed at least a bit since I was here five years ago…

People stared, either with shock or surprise or confusion.

No one dared to approach, but whistles blew at me as I walked past the training soldiers. I kept my head down as the one of the guards at the gate escorted me up towards the palace. Generals who recognized me stopped their chattering and stared at me in shock. I only looked away and kept my face down, already feeling out of place, looking like a pauper, walking within the palace walls. The guard took me into the palace.

I could hear shouting from within the bed chambers of my father's. It was always this room that belonged to my father.

"But there is the possibility that Rui isn't even legitimately your son!"

"You are still doubting that?!

"Father, shouting isn't good for your health."

"Because of you, I lost Zhen Ji and Pei Pei!"

"It was your own damn fault for ordering her to kill herself, I didn't think that little twit Pei Pei would kill herself as well!"

"YOU are talking about MY daughter!"

The guard coughed to clear his throat before knocking.

"What!? Who dares to interrupt this conversation?!"

The guard pushed opened the door, entering the room, bowing to the seething empress and the heated emperor, sitting in bed.

"I present to you, the Princess of Dongxiang, Princess Pei Pei."

"What nonsense is this, you filthy wret—"

They all stared to me as I stood in the door way. Three men were in the room, not including the guard, and a tall woman, looking as elegant as ever. I recognized her right away. I stepped into the quiet room, silenced by my arrival. I pushed my bangs from my face and stood tall, holding my head up high. Everyone stared at me in either shock or surprise. I ignored Lady Guo as I walked towards my ill father, sitting in bed, staring at me as though he was being visited by a ghost or a spirit.

"Father." I softly got on my knees and bowed to him.

"Rise." I looked up at him, trying my hardest to not cry. I pulled myself up back to my feet, standing in front of him. "Come closer…" I looked him in the eyes with mine. "…my child…" For some reason, it began to feel like I could not breathe… I could see the tears rim his eyes and just that sight brought tears to mine. And like old times, at the same time, we both reached to dry each other's tears. "Pei Pei…"

"Baba…"

"Pei Pei…" His rough hands caressed my cheeks. It was clear that he had fought many battles… "…you're alive. You look just like your mother…"

"Yes, Baba, I'm still alive…"

"But I thought you…"

"I ran away because I feared you'd ask me to do the same…" I bit my lip.

He stared at me in shock and disbelief. "I could never ask my Peony do to such a thing…" My hand held onto his.

"Stop this nonsense immediately!" We all turned our attention to Lady Guo who stood there, glaring at me. "You are not Princess Pei Pei! How dare you impose on us, you imposter! And even if you really are Princess Pei Pei, do not forget it was you who left the palace on your own! Cao Pi! Get rid of this wench!"

I stared at her, my brows furrowed at her as I stood up tall. "How dare you…"

"Excuse me?"

"How dare you speak to the Emperor of Wei with such a dirty tongue! Know your place before you speak to my father that way! You have no right to order the Emperor at your will!"

She gasped, appalled by my behavior before seething at me with her teeth. "How dare you speak to me that way, you good for nothing whore!"

"Nuwang!" Her angered face short towards the direction of my father's. "This is my daughter who you are speaking of!"

"Why wouldn't it be true? She's been gone for five years, who knows how many men swam inside her!"

"You speak with such ease for a concubine…"

She stopped, staring at me in shock before raising her hand, narrowing her eyes at me. "Why, you—"

A hand grabbed onto her wrist, the tall man stared down at her with a soft but warning smile. "Lady Guo, perhaps it would be unwise to ignite fire between the aged you and the young princess, what would your people think? You squabbling with Lady Zhen's daughter, let alone, being unable to mother a son or even a daughter yourself. If you would like for your people to see your better nature, perhaps you should show a bit more elegance in the nature of being an Empress. Harming Princess Pei Pei would be unwise."

I stood there, confused as to what was going on, but tried to look and remain strong. Lady Guo only glared at me more, yanking her hand away from the tall man clad in blue. My soft eyes locked with Lady Guo's infuriated ones until she raised her hand and slapped me before storming out of the room.

"Pei Pei!" As I fell, holding onto my cheek, I was caught in the arms of my armored brother. "Are you alright?"

I looked up at my brother before looking down, "Big Brother…" I sobbed quietly as I was pulled into his embrace.

"As long as you're alive and home, that's all that matters right now."

"Rui, take Pei Pei and find a servant to get her washed and dressed. I'd like to have supper with her in my room tonight."

"Yes, Father."

Cao Rui pulled me up with him and lead me out of the room as I stared back at my father who watched me leave with my older brother. My eyes traveled to the mysterious man who remained in my father's chambers. He bowed to me, but I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes. Mischievousness? When I blinked, I saw that he was only bowing with his eyes clothes. Perhaps I was just seeing things.

* * *

I yelped as a sash was being pulled on tighter and tighter on me. After five years, I had forgotten how uncomfortable these clothes were, pushing up our bosoms to give the illusion of having cleavage. And at the same time that the servant girls were putting clothes on me, other servant girls were combing through my hair, yanking at the knots.

"My, you're so thin! I couldn't imagine how you must have lived out there by yourself!"

I bit my lips, trying not to scream from the pain of my hair being pulled left and right, the sash being tied tightly into a neat bow behind me, whatever was left of the sash would have to drag behind me.

* * *

The doors opened from my chambers to reveal my older brother who waited there for me. "Big Brother!" I pulled up the robe above my feet a little, revealing jeweled shoes, and ran to my brother, clad in my favorite colors, purple, blue, and green. The robes gently fluttered and flew behind me. And when I stopped beside my brother, I lifted my hands to make sure the hair ornaments decorated in my hair, were still there. I especially felt the large peony that sat on my head.

"My sister, you look beautiful this evening." Cao Rui smiled down at me.

I grinned at him, looking down shyly before bowing to him.

He held his arm out to me. "So then, shall we go?"

I looked up at him slowly before smiling softly at him, "Yes, Big Brother."

As we walked down the hallway, from a distance, I saw the beautiful woman, dressed extravagantly. And as we got rid of the distance between us, Rui only kept his face forward, ignoring Lady Guo. But I couldn't… My eyes were locked with Lady Guo's glare as her ladies in waiting trailed behind her.

We passed by, and instead of looking back at the empress who stole my mother's title, I simply gazed down at the wooden floor boards. "Do not let Lady Guo get to you." I looked up to Cao Rui and smiled, nodding. He lead me through the palace as I stared out the windows. "Because of our mother's incident, most of our people feared that you followed her path five years ago, I believe they were all waiting for the day that you would return." I said nothing to my brother. Luoyang was the same as always. "You are as beautiful as mother." He looked down to me as we reached my father's chambers. I looked up to him and smiled, giving a small kiss on his cheek before the guard opened the doors and announced my arrival.

I stepped into the room and turned around to see my brother walking away. "Big Brother!" He stopped and looked back at me. "Are you not joining us?" He only chuckled and shook his head at me before continuing his retreat. I looked down nervously before entering the room. The man from before was still there, our eyes locked for a moment as I walked past him. He smiled at me. I stood in front of my father and bowed to him. "Father."

He used his hand to gesture me to sit in the chair that sat across from him. He had a square table set up at his bed where he sat. The table was set for two. I sat down in the only chair in the room, sitting across from my father who sat on his bed. "Pei Pei." He smiled at me. I bowed my head to him. "Please, eat." I nodded my head before looking back at the other man in the room. I remember him, he had always been here with my father and grandfather…hmm…how old is he really? He's looks quite young for someone who must have lived in the lifetimes of my grandfather.

"But what about him?" I pointed to the man in the blue robes. I saw him turn his head to look at me and he laughed out loud before turning his back to me again. I looked at my father as he laughed as well.

"It seems you've learned to become humble in the past five years."

I covered my mouth and stared at my father in shock. "I have forgotten my manners!" I bowed my head down, unsure of how to apologize and who to apologize to.

"It is alright, please, feast on what you like." I looked up to my father and back at the man before looking down at the food, a steaming bowl of rice sat in front of me. The sun was beginning to set.

I grabbed the chopsticks and reached for some vegetables and fruits, never once had I reached for any piece of meet. I looked to my father as he stared and watched me eat by myself. "Father, are you not eating?"

He only smiled at me and shook his head. "I already had my fill before you arrived. I looked down at the food. His bowl of rice had not been touched. Everything looked untouched until I arrived. I picked up a vegetable piece and set it in my father's rice bowl.

"Baba, please eat with me."

He smiled and picked up his chopsticks, eating the lettuce with a bit of rice. "I see you haven't picked up any piece of meat."

I stared at him in surprise before looking down at the food. "Oh! I didn't even see them." I smiled sheepishly and chuckled beneath my breath. "I've grown so used to vegetables and fruits that I couldn't help myself."

Father stared at me before pulling up the sleeves of his robes a bit, to wipe something at his eyes. I heard him sniffle a little before he used his hands to pull off the leg of the whole boiled chicken. He placed it in my bowl. "Five years, and my daughter ate nothing but fruits and vegetables." I stared at him with furrowed brows before my lips quivered. Though my eyes watered, I stared down and at the chicken leg with my hand, using chopsticks to eat rice with. No matter what, I didn't want my father to hear or see me cry so I stuffed my throat with food and kept my face down. I swallowed down the lump that began to clog my throat.

_The life of a pauper is not a bad life. It's just not as privileged._

"Eat to your heart's content." At those words, I choked and began to cry, realizing what a poor life I lived by myself, defending myself. I felt my father reach his arm over the table to pat my head with his hand, making my heart ache even more. "Eat so that you will become strong."

_To think I hated such a man who loved me so much, worried about me so much._

Because I could no longer breathe, I stopped chewing and swallowed whole what I had in my mouth. I took a sip of water in the attempt of helping me wash down the food. I coughed into my sleeve and kept my face down, afraid of asking a question I had always hoped to ask.

"Why did you order my mother to kill herself?"

My father stared at me sadly, looking down to his hands.

"I had prepared myself countless times for this question today." He stared at me, his brows furrowed sadly. "I knew that sooner or later, you'd question me about your mother." He sighed… "I married your mother due to love at first sight…

"…_I stole her from another man all the while having a concubine…_

_Her beauty enchanted me and she immediately became my wife… About eight months after our marriage, your brother, Cao Rui was born, rumors began to rise that Rui was not my son, but the son of her former husband. I did my best to ignore them…your mother even told me that her former husband had been neglecting her for months, and so I believed her._

_I can still hear and remember her voice in my head…_

"_My beloved Lord…"_

_But now it feels like a ghost whisper upon my ear…_

"…_I will wait for the day you die…"_

_It was around the time that your grandfather died that Lady Guo was always at my side, and whilst being beside me, she began to convince me that your mother told me lies, lies that Rui was legitimately my son. I was troubled by such a thought, and then we had you. My little Princess, in which the peonies of Luoyang can never compare to, and I believed in your mother again._

_A few years later, I found something I could not remove from my mind. Lady Guo presented to me with a poem from your uncle, a love poem to your mother. And though your mother argued she had no affinity for or even with him, your uncle admitted to writing the poem. I could not decipher if they had an affair or not, but I was angered, and I was jealous, and I was heartbroken…_

…_what if you were not my daughter?_

_I would not see your mother for days on, I couldn't without feeling angered. I would only see you, or not at all if you were with your mother._

_Not only had I been seeing Lady Guo, I had been seeing other concubines as well, all to get my mind off of your mother and you and Rui._

_And so then your mother complained._

_I was neglecting her, just as her former husband did._

_It never occurred to me that perhaps your mother was really faithful and true to me…_

_I denied her entry to the Royal Court, and when she complained to me again, displeased by this, I sent her an order to commit suicide…_

_And that night…I had a dream…_

_My body rose high in the sky and almost touched the heavens…_

_I was told that "there are many noble maidens in the land, but it may mean that one of them is fated to die due to a false crime against her"._

_Not soon, but immediately, after I was told this, a messenger came to notify me of your mother's order to commit suicide. I tried to sent another messenger to cancel the order as soon as possible, but it was too late. Your mother had complied and you were no where to be found…_

_But you are my daughter! Rui is my son. Why did I ever doubt that?_

_Your mother was not only neglected by her former husband, but by me as well, I can no longer blame her resentment..._

_Lady Guo says that my sudden illness is due to your mother's vengeful spirit, as though I've been cursed by your mother."_

…and even if I was cursed by your mother, I do not blame her." He stared up at me. "But now that I've seen you, and now that I know you are still alive, I feel that I can rest in peace when I meet your mother in the afterlife, in hopes that she can forgive me."

Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as I wiped them off. I was breathing in and out deeply, do my best to not cry aloud. "Baba…I don't want you to go…"

He chuckled slightly, "Pei Pei, there is a time for everything, and now that I've seen you, your presence is the greatest wish that has been granted…"

I couldn't help but burst in front of him, sobbing like a child as he sat there and watch me.

"I have asked Rui to watch over you. I am happy that the Jade Emperor granted my one dying wish. I could not ask for anything more than to see your beautiful face again. You are as beautiful as your mother…"

I sniffed and stared at him as he smiled and closed his eyes before falling over to the side. "Father!" I stood up in alarm and ran to his side, grabbing a hold of him as the man within the room turned and quickly approached. "Baba!" I shook him, trying to wake him up. Such a joke was not funny. "Don't play a dirty joke on me! Baba!" The man only stood back and watched as the guards came in with my brother and my step mother. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

_I cried…_

_I had never thought that the first time I would see my father in a long time…would be the last time I will ever see him…_

It was a quiet funeral for my father, buried as an emperor should. My brother, who had just become the crown princes became emperor and Lady Guo became Empress Dowager Guo. All of Wei was here for my father's quiet funeral.

_My heart filled with regrets, but there is nothing I can do about it now. What had happened in the past has been done…_

_As humans, we can only hold onto our regrets and remember them… For regrets is a part of who we are…_


	2. My Lover

Ballad of the Peony

Chapter 2

My Lover

* * *

"Wait a minute…Brother Zhao, if while my mother narrated, she haven't met you yet, how is it that you know about her before you met her?" It was always 'Brother Zhao', Yi Cao never once called him by his style name out of the deep respect he had for him and his sister in law. After all, after his mother and father passed, there was no one else other than Brother Zhao and Brother Shi.

"Well the first thing I should say is, I'm not narrating anymore, remember?" Though of his old age, much older than his twelve year old brother, he was still as playful as always. "Besides, even though I haven't met her yet, doesn't mean that her return to Luoyang isn't important."

"Then what is so important about it?" Yi Cao quirked a brow at Sima Zhao.

"Tsk, tsk…" Zhao sighed, "Yi Cao, didn't you want to find out who you really were? Her return to Luoyang Province tells you that she is the daughter of the Wei Emperor, Cao Pi, which means that you are the grandson of Wei Emperor Cao Pi as well as the great grandson of Wei Emperor Cao Cao."

"Oh! That man that we all read about in our history lessons?!"

Zhao laughed out loud in the night, perhaps waking up some of the citizens. "Yes! Yi Cao, just who do you think you were named after?"

Yi Cao only stared at his aged older brother and shrugged, waving his fingers about… "…iunno…" He supposed that that would make a lot more sense than any conclusion he had came up with in his mind.

"Not only that, upon her arrival to Luoyang, it was when she first noticeably began to encounter our father."

The wind blew at the faces of the two men, rising up to the moon before _the moon went to bed and the sun woke up…_

It's been a month since my return to Luoyang Province. I have yet to leave this place. I don't have any plans to do so yet either. I am still mourning. Today will be my last day.

My father was buried beside my mother. Yuanzhong, Rui's style name, and I thought this was most fitting, after all, what children wouldn't want their parents to be together, even in the after life.

I squatted down, folding up my dark robes beneath me so the wind could not lift them. I covered a candle as I lighted incense and stuck them in the bowls of rice grains for both my mother and my father. Of course I had not forgotten my very own grandfather. I left them all food and wine, not as an offering, but as a gift. I stood up and sighed as I stared at the graves, pulling off the dark, shear veil and bowed again. I will not offer to my family, but give to them, this is the way I see it.

I said my farewells to the dead and turned away to return home, to move on with my life, but I will never forget them.

It's a humid day, I was not to travel by myself. The ides of summer in Luoyang Province is a beautiful summer, I believe. The sun comes out and though they maybe have died, the flowers and trees come back to life again. There is beauty in death, I believe, that when trees and flowers die, someday, they can come back to life again. There is no living without the dead. …there is no dead without the living.

If only…if only our dead could once more live again… Just like the dead and barren fields in the fall and winter becoming full of color in the spring and summer.

If only…

And if only if-only's could truly exist. But that is the wish of a selfish child and unfortunately that is not the way man can be…like the trees in the winter to the spring….

Followed by ladies in waiting, I had returned to the palace to read a book. A book of poetry. There is nothing more romantic than books of poetry compared to historical documents and books of strategies. Then again, all or most forms of writing are all written by men, it is a shame that there are no ladies who write to excite the fancies of women all over China. For now, poetry will have to do.

Forgetting myself and where I was, I sat on a window sill and read quietly, leaning against a pillar. The cool summer breeze blew against my fair skinned face as the hot sun shown down on me.

"Be careful…" I gasped in shock as a hand laid itself on my shoulder. I stared down, out the window, in fright. "You'll burn yourself in the sun…" I turned to see who it was that startled me only to come face to face with the who was with me and my father that night he had passed. The Lord Sima Yi, he was called. My brother made him the Marques of Wuyang. His eyes looked past mine, out the window, down to where I could have fallen. It was a very long way down. "…or fall to your doom."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me off the sill, clearing his throat as I dusted myself. "My Lord, you've startled me." I bowed to him slightly.

"A book of poetry?" He seemed surprised by the book in my hands yet not very surprised at the same time. After all, what are women expected to read in their spare time? Old documents of a drunkard who became a master of martial arts? "I didn't think the Princess of Dongxiang enjoys her spare time reading poetry."

I could hear him chuckle as I look back up at him. "Forgive me, my Lord, but if not poetry, then what are women expected to read when they have time to waste? Boring old books of simply elaborated strategies like Art of War by Sun Tsu?"

"I've never meant to insult you, Princess Pei Pei, but I've imagined you differently than a typical noble woman. Perhaps I was wrong in my judgment this time." He stood tall and straight, smiling to himself.

I frowned a little, I wasn't mad or anything, but just looking at him, it's hard to tell what he's really thinking of inside his head. "My Lord, may I ask, what business do you have with me? Or was it only to warn me for my own well being?"

His eyes stared down at me, he chuckled beneath his breath as he leaned down to me. "Please, Princess, 'Zhongda', if you may." My eyes stared at him in slight amusement before smiling. "Is it wrong for a man to look after the well being of a beautiful woman?" He stood back up and sighed quietly. "Your brother has returned to Luoyang, I simply came to escort you, Princess." He turned and held and arm out for me, "If you'd except my invitation? There wouldn't be a need for your ladies in waiting, you'll be alright with me."

I looked back to my ladies in waiting before grabbing onto his arm. My ladies in waiting bowed to me as he lead me down the long hall. I stared out the windows, seeing the cavalry returning. Yes, my brother had returned. I sighed a little, watching my breath turn into steam, dissipating away into thin air.

I could feel the heat from his body beside me. I was cold… I was fought the urge to move closer beside him. After all, it would be embarrassing for a young woman like me, who is still mourning, to even be so intimately close to a married man.

"I can't help but recall, I remember you when my grandfather was the Emperor of Wei as well." Yes, he looked very young for an aged man,. Why looks can be so deceiving.

"Yes, I've served under the Cao family even when your grandfather became the Emperor of Wei." I looked up at him in surprise. "Who would think that the granddaughter of such an ambitious man would be quite so beautiful. Then again, I am not surprised, you are your mother's daughter after all."

"Lord Sima Yi," though he asked of me, I didn't feel familiar enough to call him by his style name, "what did you mean when you said you imagined me differently than any other typical noble woman?"

He chuckled, "Why, I imagined a spirited young woman, a girl who's got a brain and always speaks her mind." I frowned to him, and when he saw my expression, he laughed. A handsome laugh his laughs were. "My judgment was only partially correct." I frowned even more at him. "You may not always speak what's in your mind, but you always show what's in your mind, and you think me handsome, do you not?" He had caught me by surprised, and when he saw my expression, he laughed and gently pushed me against the wall, he leaned close to my ear to whisper to me, "I am right, am I not?" I shuddered to his low chuckle.

"My Lord, do you always believe you are right when you catch someone by surprise?" He stared down at me as I kept my eyes at our toes. It's not like I've never been in this situation on my own before… "That is hardly the case at all…"

"Oh?" He quirked a brow at me.

"I thought you young for your age." My eyes roamed around, looking for a way to escape his block. "If anything, I'd say you are trying to woo me by trying to manipulate me."

"And what if to say I was?"

"Then…" I thought for a moment before a chill ran up my spine, I could feel his nose tracing down my neck. My eyes shut tightly as I clenched my teeth. "…then I'd call you '_father_'!" That stopped him…

I could see his eyes widen slightly before his lips twitched into a laugh. "Why, you sure know how to stab a man's heart when he tries to woo you."

"Why, _Father_, do you not believe I've been in such a situation before?" I dared not to look at him. I could feel him glare at me, and that was why I was afraid to look at him. Whether or not I've been in such a situation, it does not mean that I was not afraid. In fact…because it's someone like him of his status…of his position…that I am even more afraid… "I only wish to be wooed by a gentleman."

"And how does a gentleman woo a woman?"

I looked over to him and smiled a little, "By asking my father for permission?"

His eyes narrowed as he huffed in amusement, "And how can a man receive your father's permission when he's already passed?"

I pushed his arm away and smiled at him, "Then perhaps you should ask my brother, but even if you do, it does not mean that I would accept you." I pulled my black veil back over my head. "My Lord, it seems you've forgotten that I am still mourning, I believe that wooing a woman who is still mourning is even lower than a scum. If anything, I will be fine, on my own, to meet my brother." I continued down the flight of stairs slowly with my head held tall, I dared not to look back at him. "And you are married, my Lord, to four wives." I smiled slightly, feeling a glare at my back. Passing by Lady Guo, my eyes smiled at her softly as she furrowed her brows at me. My eyes brightened to the site of my brother walking up to me, taking off his feathered helmet, handing it to a maid servant. I stood where I was and held my arms to him as he came to hug me and lift me into a turn. "Ge Ge! You've returned!"

"How has my dear sister been while I've been gone?" He set me down and took my hand, leading me away from the ogling soldiers and generals that have returned with him. They have begun to take off their armors and show off their well toned torsos.

Only for their amusement, I smiled at them and turned to face forward and continue my stroll with Brother Yuanzhong.. "I've been well, Yuanzhong Ge Ge, but I've been reading the most boring poems I could ever find in the palace." Yuanzhong, his style name. I've only recently just learnt of it since it was given to him during my years of absence.

"Oh? Is that so? Perhaps I should take you out to the market one day and buy you some new poetry books then."

I chuckled to his words, "Poetry is not what I want to read. If only they had more options for ladies with nothing to do to read."

Cao Rui gave a out a laugh, "Why, taking you out to the market place was only an excuse to show off my beautiful sister. But if you feel that way about books, perhaps you should write things perhaps you and other women would fancy"

I thought about it for a little bit before grinning, "Perhaps someday I will do just that."

We went up the flights of stairs and we stopped by his chambers, or his new chambers. My father's chamber was cleared away and his belongings were put in a safe. And so then, Rui was moved into our father's room.

When we reached his room, he turned to me and stared down at me. Slowly he pulled off my veil and smiled down at me. "It's about time my baby sister stops mourning." I looked down and nodded a little before looking back up to him. "You look more like our mother every time I see you."

I looked him in the eyes and smiled, "But I am still Pei Pei."

He chuckled, "Of course." He patted my head, obviously being quite taller than I am and smiled. "Prepare for the feast tonight, you will be formally reintroduced to the rest of Wei." I smiled to him as he turned to enter his room, perhaps preparing as well or taking care of any other business he had. I sighed and stared down before turning away, only to see my step mother across the hall, having kept watch over us.

Lady Guo motioned for me to come to her and she turned around. I sighed once more, approaching her and we walked together through the opened halls. "I see you've been silently seducing the men at this court."

I smiled a little, keeping my face forward, "Oh, please, I am not so scandalous as you seemed to have convinced yourself."

"Perhaps more than I've been assuming." I adverted my eyes, slightly annoyed by her words. "After all, being close to a married man who has children your age."

"It seems that you are mistaken, it was not I who approached him." I closed my eyes and stopped, and when she noticed, she turned around and looked at me. I opened my eyes and stared at her, my brows began to furrow at her. "I will not do to his wives, what you did to my mother."

Her head jerked back a little, seemingly surprised by my words before she waved them off. "Come with me, we must prepare you for tonight's feast." I followed after her to her room where a maid servant pulled the door open for us. Her ladies in waiting quickly got up and began setting up her vanity table. "Sit." Lady Guo took off her coat and pulled her sleeves up as I sat down and stared at the mirror. She approached and held onto my chin. "You certainly do look like your mother, but you have your father's eyes." Her ladies brought another stool for her to sit down as she took a brush and began to brush though my long and dark locks. I only sat there quietly as she did my hair for me, pulling everything up in a complicated up do. She decorated my hair with artificial flowers, made of gold and silver as well as pearls and sparkling jewels.

I stared down at her cosmetics as she began to apply some on me. "I do not mean to dishonor your kindness, Lady Guo, but why are you doing this?"

The older woman, still elegant and beautiful, sighed as she tinted my red lips with gold. "Because I do not have a daughter of my own to do such things with, and you no longer have a mother who will look after you." She looked into the mirror with me. Over the month, she seemed to have calmed down to my existence. "And Princess Xiang Hua has her own mother and is already married. I thought I'd do something nice for my other daughter."

"If you think you can replace my mother—"

"Oh, my dear child, that is far much more than I am hoping for." She got up and went to her closet, looking through her robes. "It's more of a truce. A woman, helping out another one." She pulled out some blue and white robes, placing them in my hands. "I'm sure that you can dress yourself. I'll see you tonight." I stood up and bowed to her before leaving the room as the servants opened up the doors for me. Staring down at the clothes, I made my way across the open hall to my chambers, thinking about what she could be meaning, a truce. This small act of kindness from the Empress Dowager herself. Servants quickly rushed by to open my room for me, and as I lounged there by myself as candle light began to light up the palace, I took off the dark robes I had been strolling in all day, looking at myself in the mirror, holding up Lady Guo's robes against me before tossing them on the bed. I looked at myself and though to myself a little more before opening a drawer at my vanity table, pulling out a jeweled peacock. I pulled off the large jeweled peony that my step mother had decorated my hair with and replaced it with the peacock. It was my mother's most treasured hair ornament, presented to her by my father himself. She gave it to me in the hopes that I could sell it but I didn't. I couldn't have, and now that I still have it. I can wear it in the honor of my mother. I turned around in my dim room, walking towards my closet, opening it up and searching through the bottom drawer, pulling out a box. My mother's robes, they looked as though they were still brand new.

I truly do miss my mother so…

* * *

"It's been a while since I've seen the princess, I mean, after all, to know that Princess Pei Pei is still alive after the tragedy of Lady Zhen, why, that's a relief!"

"Yes, it is. The late Emperor couldn't have been more pleased with her return." The tall and beautiful Empress Dowager smiled as she made small chit chat with those who attended the banquet this evening, giving only the best impressions with expressions that told no secrets. "My late husband adored Princess Pei Pei as though she were the world."

"I'm not surprised, after all, her mother is the beautiful Lady Zhen." Men and women laughed as though that was the most obviously thing in the world.

Empress Dowager Guo only stare before giving a soft grin, trying to hide in her jealously of her late husband's beloved first wife. "Yes, she is."

Doors opened and then eunuch who had accompanied me announced my arrival. Everyone within the banquet room only turned and stared, some making quiet whispers to others. I only smiled at them and bowed my head, "Forgive me for my late arrival." I ignored the troubled expression on my step mother's face and walked in, joining my older brother and his wife, Princess Yu. As Rui and his wife laughed, I turned my head to watch the dancing figure, performing tonight. A concubine of my brother's, it's not unusual that she was beautiful.

"Princess?" I turned my head back and stared up at the young man, who had been questioning me. He seemed to be younger than me by a few years ago, obviously quite boyish. Beside him stood a more quiet man, perhaps the same age I was.

When I made eye contact with him, he immediately averted his eyes and frowned. I only smiled back to the younger one and bowed my head, "Forgive me, I had spaced out. If you don't mind repeating your question." A lot of guests were asking me questions tonight.

He laughed out loud, perhaps being the most joyful attending this banquet, and grinned down at me, making me want to shrink down even more because he was obviously taller than I was. I, unfortunately, seemed to have stopped growing, at least in height. "I had asked, Lady…" He began to trail off.

I only smiled at him, "Cao." Perhaps he thought I'd go by a different name, but instead, I used my father's name.

"Lady Cao." He quickly nudged the other man with his arm, continuing to stare down at me. "I was asking how old you were."

The other rolled his eyes and pushed at the more outgoing one, "Don't you know it's rude to ask a woman her age?" Though he muttered it beneath his breath, I heard it and began to laugh with Rui and his wife. He only frowned even more deeply and turned to look away.

"You're the one who wanted to know…" That earned him a scowl.

"If you must know, I will be turning eighteen when the peonies are in bloom again." I bowed my head to them and held my sleeve over my face, trying to contain the little laughter that threaten to burst out into big ones. "May I ask, it's been a long while since I've been home, but how may I address you two?"

"Ah! Forgive us, Princess! We're brothers! That's great, your age, I mean!" Oh? The younger one gave a wide grin and pointed to himself, "You can call me Zhao! And this is my brother, Sima Shi! He's super smart and responsible!" He pointed to his older brother. "Pss, he likes barbeque pork buns."

"Would you shut it!"

I only stared at the two brothers, a bit confused, as the bickered with one another until a very familiar man came by and slapped them on their heads with a fan. The both winced, and only the younger one gave a verbal reaction. "You two are embarrassing me. Apologize!"

"Sorry." "Sorry, Father."

I looked up at the regent before, bowing my head, "My Lord."

"Forgive me, Princess, but these two are still young and immature."

"Pei Pei, I need to greet some guest, I'll leave you to the care of Lord Sima Yi." I nod to my brother as he and Princess Yu walked off to greet arriving guests.

"Now go and stay with your mother." I watched as the well known strategist shooed off the his two sons as they walked away, bickering quietly amongst themselves.

"Your sons are quite friendly." I smiled, continuing to watch Sima Zhao and Sima Shi walk away, while the younger began to complain. "I don't suppose you've come to me once again for small talk?"

"Why, Pei Pei, you seem to know so much of my intentions already, perhaps someday I'll bend to your request and ask your brother for approval."

"It was not a request, My Lord, only a helpful advice." I frowned at him, calling me by my name as though we were already close.

"You sure know how to lead on a man." He followed me as I walked off to pick up a plate and fill it with fruits. In the hopes that his sons would come back to us, or someone from the younger generation, or so, I looked back to where his sons gone off too, standing around in boredom with a tall and very beautiful lady, her eyes met mine and they narrowed. "You're not as straightforward as I thought you were."

I turned to look at the older man, eye to eye seriously, "Shouldn't you be with your wife?"

He chuckled to that, "Sooner or later, you will be my wife. Or, at least, one of them."

"My Lord," I held the plate of fruits out to him as he took it, quirking a brow at me. I smiled at him, "You will stop your harassment now, _Father_, others would think it very inappropriate of you to try to come close to a woman who is still mourning her father and mother."

"And a month's already gone by, I see no point in wasting away your youth. As your grandfather would say, time is off the essence, is it not?"

I stared up at him, crossing my arms before a smile made it's way to my lips, "And it seems your essence is running out."

"So the Princess is capable of crude jokes." He scoffed in amusement. "Perhaps you'll see how potent I am some day, or perhaps maybe even tonight."

I frowned at him, "Perhaps you are making the wrong assumptions about my thoughts that you begin to put on a show of cockiness around me. Your words are very inappropriate, _Father_." I walked away to pour myself some water. It wasn't surprising that he continued to follow. I only looked back to where his two sons and, perhaps, his wife were standing, watching me back. I sighed and looked down.

"Then maybe I shall show you who's your daddy." I could hear him chuckle as he stood close to me.

* * *

"Zhao! Is this appropriate for me to hear!?

The young brunet shut his eyes and covered his hears, hearing the dirty talk between his parents.

"Hey! I'm not the one narrating anymore, remember! Grow up and be a man!"

"This is my mother and our father that we're talking about Zhao…"

"Don't you think I'm a little embarrassed too?"

"Brother Zhao, you pervert…!"

* * *

His warm breath blew at my cold ears, I fought to resist shuddering in front of him as I turned to him. "Your oldest son already holds interest in me, perhaps you should give him the chance to have as many wives as you do too." I turned my head, hearing that dinner was served. I bowed to him and smiled, "Excuse me."

And with that, I walked away to take my place beside the Empress Dowager Guo. Cao Rui and Princess Yu were still having small talk with some of the guests. My step mother and I sat quietly until she decided to speak, "So you decided not to accept my gifts, I see."

I only smiled, "I thought it best to represent my late mother tonight instead, considering my welcoming back to Cao Wei. Perhaps another time, I will come as your daughter."

We smiled at Brother Rui and Princess Yu came to take their seats with us. I had almost frowned when the one I've been trying to avoid sat right beside me. It just so happens that his place was right besides mine. His family joined us as Brother Rui greeted them. I only smiled as dinner was served and everyone took a portion.

Everyone made small talk except for me, busy trying to resist the urge to stand and walk away. "Princess Pei Pei, my sons say you will be eighteen by the end of winter, is that right?"

I turned to smile at Lady Chunhua and nodded, "Yes, that is true."

"Then you are only about a year younger than Shi!" Zhao exclaimed at the table. "Shi's already eighteen, perhaps you two can get well acquainted with one another."

"Only if he like to." I smiled, speaking with a soft voice. "I don't think I'm a suitable enough for someone so great and intelligent though, being of the Sima Clan." I paused a little but resisted the urge to slap my brother's honored guest. His hand on my lap, threatening to reach between my legs, here, at a dinner party, in front of dozens of guests… I only looked over to Sima Yi with furrowed brows as he stared back at me in amusement. I looked to his wife for help who only stared at his hand and back at my eyes in disgust. I coughed and looked over to Empress Dowager Guo but she only looked away to mind her own business. I was stuck.

"Actually, I think you are far more suitable than you think." I watched as Sima Shi stared down at his food and ate quietly.

I looked to Zhao before looking down and smiling a little. "Then, if you don't mind, Sima Zhao, would it be alright if we trade places so that I can become much more well acquainted with the gifted Sima Shi?"

"Oh! How forward of you, Pei Pei." I only blushed slightly to my brother's words, more worried of Sima Yi's malicious advances.

He beamed up at me and grinned, the muscles on his father's face tightened a little, to hold in a scowl. "Of course I don't mind, Lady Cao! You are more than welcome!" He laughed and immediately stood with his bowl of rice, as I did the same and we traded spots. I sighed in relief when I sat next to Princess Yu and Sima Shi.

There was less tension, coming from me that is, but whenever I was questioned by Sima Yi, there was noticeably more tension from him instead that I waved off. A servant came and brought by some pork buns, "Ah! What flavor are these?" I turned to ask him.

"Barbeque pork buns."

"Oh, thank you!" Immediately I grabbed for one and on my clean plate, I took a small knife from the table. "Lord Sima Shi, would you like to share one with me?" I looked up at him and smiled as everyone stared and chuckled at us, all except for his father who only sat there and smiled.

I watched as the older teen blushed and replied before grabbing my hand, "Only if you will do me the honor of feeding me." I blushed and laughed as I picked up a half and Shi's hand helped lead mine to his lips where he took a rather large bite.

"Oh, so romantic, Pei Pei, looks like you've found the one." Princess Yu laughed as she leaned against Yuanzhong. "Even Yuanzhong won't let me feed him."

"Mother! Aren't Shi and Lady Cao a perfect match made in heaven?"

I smiled as I looked at my joyful table mates but I stopped when I held eye contact with Sima Yi, though he was smiling. There was something in his cold and calculating eyes that terrified me.

They were telling me…to be warned.


	3. Is Like the Tree Peony

Ballad of the Peony

Chapter 3

Is Like the Tree Peony

* * *

"Let go of me…" I was being pushed down a hall with a hand, gripping at the back of my robes, forcing me through the Louyang palace. "Let go!"

"Silence, wench!" Doors burst open and were shut as soon as this man pushed me inside with him.

I yelped as I was picked up, struggling as I was carried to the bedroom of that room. He tossed me onto the bed and I only sat up, pushing my bangs out of my face to glare bitterly at my abductor.

"What do you think you are doing?!" He gave me no answer as he roughly pulled my hair and took out all the ornaments it was decorated with, tossing them onto the ground before he climbed onto the bed with me. With one arm propping me up, I held my other arm across my chest, trying to defend myself and push him away from me. "Stop! Stop this!" I held my breath, crossing my arms across my chest after being pushed down onto the bed. I shut my eyes tightly as forceful kisses planted themselves on me, his hands pulled at my robes. My heart raced as though it could burst out of my chest… I was afraid but I wouldn't dare cry. …I will never give him the satisfaction of seeing me so weak. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because, Pei Pei, no matter what, you will be mine." Slowly, as I breathed in gingerly, I opened my eyes a little to stare up at the man who hovered over me. "You are mine," he whispered harshly, glaring down at me before grabbing my wrists with his larger hands, pulling my arms away from each other, no matter how much I tried to muster up the strength to keep them crossed…there was simply no way.

"I will never be yours…!" I glared at him, but even if I did, it must have been pretty obvious I was frightened at the same time…

Otherwise…why would he have scoffed in amusement at me?

His grip loosened as he sat up, laughing before slapping me. "As a woman, such a decision will never be yours. Once I deflower you, you will be worthless unless you agree to marry me."

"I'll…I'll tell my brother!" I pulled away from his grip and tried to crawl away from him only to have him pull on my long hair and straddle my back.

"Then what?" I shuddered to his hot breath against my cold ear. "He owes me for my services, what better prize than his beauteous little sister."

"He wouldn't let you have me… He would never!" I kept my face from him, his hand softly combing through my hair, pulling and pushing them behind my ear, as though I would listen better without my hair in the way. "I'd rather have your son than such an impulsive man like you!"

"And it will be a son of mine that I'll give to you."

"You're sick!"

"If you're not mine, you are no one's. I'll be sure to see to it. Without my approval, Shi will never marry you."

"Then I can find someone else! How do you know I'm not already a woman?"

He stared down at me, looking down at me…looking down ON me, I couldn't stand that… I bit my lip and glared up at him.

"Do not bother screaming, Princess, no one will hear you. And even if they did, they know not to bother me." My eyes widened when he leaned down, planting a soft kiss on my lips before smirking at me. "I know a virgin when I see one." He laughed at me, untying and forcefully yanking off my sash, opening up my robes as I tried to stop him with my much smaller hands. "You act tough when in reality, you really are not. Feminine and weak, just like all other women."

It was an unfair disadvantage… Too unfair… I did not want this, I wished this never happened, but I can't ignore the fact that I've been disgraced… I now know this man, intimately in a painful pleasure, and though I cried, he did not stop, but I have to give him the credit of not treating me roughly. Rather, he was a gentle lover. He comforted me with quiet shushes and kissed away my tears from my face. The feeling of his nose running alone the nape of my neck was so romantic, it made me blush, but most embarrassing of all, he saw me beneath my clothes, exposed. Why…I am ashamed of myself…because he took away took away my virtue as a woman forcibly but also in the gentlest way I could ever imagine.

But I did not love this man… And though I was willing to accept his son, I can never fall in love with a man. I will never come to love a man… Because just like my mother's, my heart will be betrayed and pricked and scarred and burned and perhaps even eaten raw.

_I don't want to get hurt…_

That is all I wish for…

As I lay there awake, barely covered in the stuffy room, laying next to the man who was my first, sleeping soundly like the quiet night, I stayed awake with dreary eyes as a cool summer breeze blew in from the window.

It feels as though I've been stained, disgusting…and perhaps, most of all, filled with impurities. I am impure…

What do I have left as a woman…?

I've lost my mother, I've lost my father, even my brother knows not of me very well, and now my body is no longer mines…

_Please…Dear Lord above the Heavens, shield my heart from anymore pain and emptiness…_

_I don't want to get hurt…_

* * *

"Yi Cao… Yi Cao!" Zhao looked down to his half brother that leaned against the railing tired and exhausted, lightly snoring in the night. He scoffed in amusement, "Well, I guess I'm glad he didn't have to listen to that. Or most of it."

* * *

Quiet, the morning birds began to sing and I open my eyes and look besides me. What had happened was not a dream, and the pain that I've felt was still there. It was dawn; the sun was beginning to rise. I looked out the windows as hand maids began to line up to get ready for the day, helping one another dress and put up their hair.

I looked over to him, lying on the bed peacefully before I dropped my head, pulling my robes close around me, covering myself before I began to pick up my sashes and undergarments. I left the room and looked back to Sima Yi once more, sighing to myself before I left the bedroom and pulled myself out of the chambers, out into the opened air castle of Louyang this summer morning. I turned to make my way towards my own chambers only to stop and stare in horror to the elegant figure from across the hall, standing in the middle, staring back at me. She only smirked at me before turning around and walking off, down the flight of stairs that would lead to the lower story of the palace.

I breathed in and held a hand to my chest. The moment when my eyes met hers…it was as though my heart had stopped beating, or must it have slowed but pounded loudly. I couldn't recall…but she saw me…walking out of this room in an unladylike mess for a noble woman… I covered my lips and ran down the hall, looking for my room, locking myself up for no one to see me for a while… A very long while. No one will see me…

* * *

"I guess that's where we'll leave off then." Zhao sighed to himself before attempting to pick up the thin young boy, barely thirteen years of age, until he put up a struggle. "Yi Cao?"

"The story's not finished yet…am I born yet?"

Zhao laughed at the sleepy young man before patting his back, "No, not yet. Not for a very long time. We should both get some shut eye and then we can continue tomorrow or something."

"No! I'm awake!" Yi Cao immediately opened his eyes wide and stared up to his brother. "I'm awake, I just want to know where my mother is and what happened to her!"

"Well, we can't just skip to the end."

"Why not?"

Sima Zhao smiled and stared off over the city. "Because I don't want you to get the wrong idea of your mother."

"Wrong idea?"

"Eh…well…from someone who doesn't know the whole thing, one would probably make the wrong assumptions and judgments."

"So she didn't die and instead she abandoned me? Is that what you're saying. I'd have to say that any mother who is willing to leave their child's sight and never see them again is lower than anything anyone would consider low."

"That is why I would prefer you to know the whole story before you make that assumption."

"So she did leave me behind?!"

Zhao sighed, though old and weary, he was still the same Sima Zhao back during the days of his father and his brother.

"Just listen to the story…"

"Alright…alright, I guess it can't be helped."

* * *

What rumors ran around the palace, I did not know and I did not want to know. Hours that day when my step mother caught me leaving, in a mess, from the chambers of a married man, passed by and turned into days. I seldom left my room, only to go down and bath in a clean bath. And when I did leave my room, I'd wear a solid veil and be sure to have a hand maiden guide me towards the bathing quarters. I didn't want to see anyone, especially him…especially his son…especially his wife…especially my step mother… I didn't want to see any of them, so I would see no one at all, wearing solid veils that shielded me from eye contact with any other human being, that shielded me from the scorching August… While I isolated myself from human contact and socialization, I even starved myself. I refused to eat meals with others and when meals were brought up to me, I turned them away. I kept my chambers locked. If I was not bathing, I was locked up in my room with only myself.

I've even locked myself up for so long that when my brother finally decided to break down my doors, he had found me fainted and passed out on the floor, unconscious.

"Fainted and passed out on the floor, unconscious," I was not happy to hear that voice, mocking me, "how unladylike."

Because Rui had business to attend, he left me to the care of the Empress Dowager Guo. "Please do not criticize me."

"Oh, but how can I not when I've already witnessed something as scandalous as what had happened five mornings ago." My eyes widened as I lay there, suddenly remember all the events that had happened that night. "Thinking about your oh so fated night?"

"It was not of my consent." I frowned. My heart's pace began to race as I lay there, trying to appear unaffected.

"Oh?" She quirked a brow as she blew and cooled a soup for me. "Then why did you not tell Yuanzhong?"

"Because, it is not of any of your business," I could hear her blowing stop, I felt her eyes narrow at me, even if I didn't face her way, I only merely stated the truth. "And because, I will never allow myself to be so incompetent again. Yuanzhong mustn't know, otherwise it may stir up trouble between him and his regencies, and Lady Chunhua and Lord Sima Shi mustn't know because it may stir up trouble between their family."

My step mother gave a small amused chuckle, "Trying your very best to not become like me, are you?"

"You have no part in my decisions," I stated blatantly. "I simply don't want to ruin the relationships of others and ruin my own reputation."

"Then…will you marry Lord Sima Yi?"

I looked to my step mother, unsure how to decipher her expression, if she was someone I could trust, or someone that I shouldn't.

"No."

She seemed somewhat surprised by my answer, but I only stared at her with a straight face.

"Because I won't do to Lady Chunhua what you did to my mother." Her brows furrowed before she gave a small smirk, perhaps because she finally became a part of my decisions. This woman… But if I can trust her… "No one must know what happened that night." Can I trust her…?

"Of course."

* * *

For another week, I stayed in bed, much too weak to get up and move about on my legs. On my spare time, I read books or napped. There was not much to do, being stuck in bed, unless my sister in law came to visit me with her son, Cao Jiong, Prince of Qinghe. Less than a year old, very lively for a child who was just learning to walk. I also had my meals in my room, sometimes by myself and sometimes with visitors. I must have been so ill that even when I smell some of the food, the scent was so horrible that I would have to order it to be taken out, surprising mainly my female visitors. There were times that I even threw up. I've been ill lately, and that's led me to be trapped in bed for another week.

I've been so sick that Brother Rui decided to call for a doctor to make sense of why I could be feeling so ill. I couldn't think of anything…I was eating again. Was it perhaps because of something I ate that was bad?

I laid there in bed as the doctor checked my pulse. He was quiet before the touched my stomach, gently putting a bit of pressure before his hand started moving down. Immediately, I grabbed his hands, suddenly remembering Sima Yi…

"Don't…"

He seemed a bit confused, but nodded. He removed his hand and folded them in his lap, sitting in a chair. Brother Rui stood at the door, keeping watch. "Princess Pei Pei, I'd like to know about your symptoms from your own words, if you don't mind."

I frowned a little, thinking to myself of how I should word my words. "Well…there was a time when I had locked myself up in my room for about a week and starved myself. And since then, I've had my meals in this bed. Sometimes the food seemed to smell unclean or uncooked or just…not very good. It's as though my nose have become sensitive that things start to smell bad and so I feel ill to the point of vomiting. I have the feeling it's because I've starved myself."

"How old are you, Princess?"

"When spring blooms again, I will be eighteen years old."

The doctor stared at me long and hard, his hands firmly grasped in his laps. His eyes looked over to Cao Rui before staring back to me.

"My Lord Cao Rui, if it is possible, I'd like to discuss things privately with Princess Pei Pei. I find these symptoms common amongst women and I believe she might like a bit of privacy."

"Of course, by all means, just see to it that she is well and will continue to be."

"No worries, My Lord, everything will be fine."

I looked to Rui, just a little worried and of course, nervous. With all this seriousness…it felt as though I was in trouble or something. Rui only nodded to me before he stepped out of the bedroom, closing the doors.

And as soon as the doors were closed, the doctor looked back at me, a middle aged man he was, with a very serious expression as well. "My Lady Pei Pei, please tell me honestly, have you engaged in any sexual activity?"

My heart stopped…or it felt as so when my breath suddenly caught in my throat, not allowing me to answer. As soon as I was able to breathe again, though my eyes quickly darted around the room, I tried to think of what to say. My fingers shook before they gripped onto my sheets. …did Sima Yi told him this so that he can blackmail me…? I was getting more nervous by the second.

I looked back to the doctor who only gave me that poker faced expression he had the whole visit today. An amused grin broke onto my face before I chuckled, "My Lord, I do not believe so. If I have, surely I would have remembered. I do not wish to consort in such ways with any man until marriage. If anything, I believe such a topic is inappropriate for a man and a young woman."

"I am a doctor, there is no such thing as an inappropriate topic." He sighed, his eyes narrowed at mines. "I am no fool, Princess, I only mean business. You've spiked no fever, you're body is fine, but I sense that the flow of your body is different from most unmarried girls your age, it's as though your body is preparing for a change."

"A change?"

"I believe you are with child, Princess, which is why I asked your older brother to leave the room so that we can discuss this matter privately. This is a serious subject for the Princess of Wei, you've put your kingdom in shame by indulging in such disgusting behaviors and now have a bastard child growing within you. Do you even know who the father is?"

I stared at him silently as tears began to well my eyes before I blinked them off. I couldn't think of what to say. "I am not with child. There is no way!"

"Princess..." His eyes shut as though he was annoyed. "You have symptoms of a woman at her early stages of pregnancy, there is no other explanation. Who is the father?"

I stared at him…biting my lip. My breath quivered before I looked down. "I cannot tell you…for the sake of Wei…"

Memories of that night swarmed through my head and I felt as though I was going to vomit again. "I am not with child…" The feeling of him touching me… "I did not want to do it…" The soft caresses of his lips… "I do not participate in such disgraceful behaviors…" The painful pleasure within me.

I stared at the doctor before my vision blurred as I began sobbing in front of him.

"For the sake of Wei, no one must know…"

He only stared at me for a moment before standing up. "In time, everyone will know. There is a child growing within in you, it won't be long until it shows." He began walking away towards the exit.

"No, wait! Don't! Don't tell anyone!" I cried as the doors opened and Rui ran in, passed the doctor, to my side, asking me what was wrong. I didn't answer him. I only watched the doctor walked away with the knowledge of his observations.

* * *

"So does this mean that I will be born soon?"

"Are you kidding me? It's still 226, you were born in.252, you see something wrong there?"

"So then this means I have an older sibling too? Why am I missing so many family members?"

"Can't you just listen to the story?"


End file.
